Celebrating life stories...

Memories

 

This memorial is sponsored by:

Trevor Van Huizen

Memorial created 08-20-2008 by
Trevor Van Huizen
Diego J Van Huizen
May 12 2008 - May 13 2008

When we decided to remove Diego from life support I knew I needed to hold him and give him love as he passed.   I called the doctor who advised us so strongly to discontinuing life support, and asked her to have it done.  As we walked down the hall side by side toward the NICU I could feel my heart drop with every footstep.  Thoughts were racing through my head and waves of emotion were pounding against my chest. 

As we entered into the NICU the doctor informed the nurses to disconnect Diego.  As I heard the words come out of her mouth and the nurses agreeing to do so I could feel a voice inside me screaming NO!!!!!!!! While they disconnected him I had to turn around, it was so hard to watch.  I felt like a murder, it isn't what a parent is suppose to do and the tears ran down my face. 

They handed him to me and we started walking down the hall where I would stay.   

 

 

Once in the room I sat in a rocking chair and started to rock my little angel.  I was almost therapeutic for me to do so at the time. 

I looked up to notice the doctor who helped me get Diego disconnected from life support crying intensively.  I also notice the nurse too crying intensively too, but for some reason I was affecting me differently right then.  I guess it was because I was holding my baby and even though there were others in the room, it was just him and I; sharing a moment together before we had to say good bye for now.

The doctor and nurse left the room to give us time together.  I stared at Diego's little face and even though I should have been on the bottom of my game, I felt so much love and gratitude for the moment.  I was such in love my little man and even though we were there to wait out his life, I just wanted to feel this moment for all it was worth. 

I started singing to him any child's song I could remember and as I sung and rocked him in the chair I would have waves of realization come over me.  I would start to shake uncontrollably, like a man standing outside in the winter without a jacket.  I would remember why I was there and all of a sudden I really needed people around me to help me through it. 

I hear a knock on the door and it opens, my friend James enters almost as if his appearance would have offended me.  He told me this story about my mother calling him hysterically about how this accident had happened and I needed him right now.  Interestingly enough, my mother had only met James, once and I have no idea how she got his number; God works in mysterious ways.  A few minutes later Lloyd also showed up and my support was becoming abundant, nurses and Dr. Christina also showed up to support during this time.

 

Diego wasn’t breathing anymore and Dr. Christina came over and help her stethoscope against Diego’s chest in what felt like forever.  She looked up at the clock recorded the time in her head, looked at me and shook her head in a yes response. 

“God be with you Diego, your parents love you”    

 

 

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